The Gospel

This blog post will be my best attempt at summarizing the gospel, as I understand it today. I say that, because I think when it comes to matters of faith (or matters, in general) it's good to come at them from the perspective that your thoughts and understanding may change. I try to be open to that, while still holding fast to Truth.

So. The Gospel. The Good News. Here it is.

Jesus Christ, who was God born in flesh, lived a sinless life but was hated by many. In their hatred and according to Gods' plan, Jesus was sentenced to death by being nailed to a cross. Jesus suffered, died and was buried in a tomb. After three days, Jesus was resurrected from the dead. Over the course of 40 days, Jesus appeared before crowds of people, before being raised into the sky.

There's so much there, even in that brief description. At any point, I recognize, I may lose some of you, hopefully not on account of my failure to adequately explain my thoughts.

There is a God (who takes various forms, including that of a man, namely Jesus). Jesus was sinless, meaning he was perfectly holy. No evil existed in Him or by His hand. Jesus was murdered, by men under a hateful and barbaric government. All that seems reasonably plausible. But here's where it gets crazy. Now we have a man, who comes back to life, after being murdered. Zombie apocalypse? No. He just appears to talk with many who would choose to listen, and instructs them in how to live. Then he floats into the sky, never to be seen again.

And this is the foundation of my faith. I believe this really happened. I recognize that sounds crazy. What's crazier, maybe, are the implications of what happened.

I believe God created us as eternal beings. That means although our lifetime on Earth will invariably end in death, our souls will exist for eternity. The standard for a soul to exist in the presence of God, is perfection. All others exist separate from God. Our culture calls that existence Hell. The definition of Hell is existence absent of and separate from God.

At birth, we each inherited a knowledge of both good and evil. We needed no instruction in right and wrong. I look around at our broken world and see the evil (and good) that exists in man-kind. I look in the mirror and see the evil (and good) that exists in my own heart. Aside from Jesus, no one has lived a sinless life. All have sinned and fallen short of the perfect standard required to exist in the presence of God.

But Jesus' death was not just a heinous murder. It was a strategic plan by God, to make a way for a sinful world to again have the opportunity to exist in His presence for eternity. Gods' plan allows for any person, who would admit his failure to be perfect, and accept through belief, that Jesus is who He said He is (God) and did what He said He did (died and raised), could be eternally forgiven and accepted into right standing with a Holy God to exist in His presence for eternity. Good News!

I asked Josh and few years ago how he thought the death of one man, was sufficient to provide adequate payment for the collective sins of all man-kind. It didn't seem fair to me. Some of the horrible things that happen in our world, seemed too much to be so easily erased by one act of sacrifice. This is what Josh told me. The important part wasn't the act that happened, but WHO it happened to. Jesus was GOD. It's a really tough thing to wrap your mind around, who God is. I'll throw out some words to try to paint a picture. All-mighty. Holy. All-powerful. Righteous. All-knowing. Just. There are hundreds of other words to describe who God is, but even if I listed all of them, I'm not sure any of us can fully understand Him, because we have no frame of reference for what a being of that nature would look like. Certainly not like any of us. But I'm gonna try. I have the image in my head. ok.

GOD. He made a choice to lay aside His standing, to become one of us. We can't fully know what attributes of “Godness” Jesus maintained on Earth (was He still all powerful and all knowing, etc.?). But we do know that He was fully human. Confined in flesh. Subject to human bodily functions and emotions. Living in a world far removed in culture, but not unlike our own. Gosh, I'm trying but I still can't do it. I can't imagine what it meant or looked like for Him to give up His standing as GOD to take on the state of humanity. But He did it. And I believe that sacrifice, and His subsequent death/resurrection are what makes one death sufficient for all.

Of course you're left with the question, what about those who don't believe? I've heard it put this way. They are given that which they desired all along. To exist in separation from God.

This concludes my interpretation of the gospel, as I understand it. This is my favorite thing to talk about. Let me know if you want to talk!  

Isolated

I've been thinking a lot about the concept of isolation. A feeling of Aloneness. Segregation. Solitude. In considering isolation, I can't think of one positive outcome achieved by it.*(see note) We may turn toward an inner-self reliance, convinced that no one can help or relate to us. But even the strength found there, is one of prideful necessity, not courage.

I just finished reading the first book in the Hunger Games series. I won't spoil anything for you, but the premise of the book involves a society governed by a cruel yet majestic Capitol, which has isolated the population into districts. The Capitol demands worship-like obedience and adoration. Each district is severely oppressed and is forbidden from interacting with other districts. This isolation breeds fear of and impotence against the Capitol. They are powerless against the system which dually persecutes and sustains them.

We may not live in a society where the government restricts our basic freedoms, but we do live in a culture widely dominated by the safety of secrecy. We fear having our private lives exposed. We don't want other people to know how we really feel or think or act. We feel ashamed, and we expect rejection (or worse) at the prospect of having “those things” made known. This line of thinking is the definition of isolation. We create our own private system just like the Capitol, which is to be worshiped and obeyed. This same System of Secrecy both binds us and preserves us.

I believe that life is most fully lived within the context of a community. In an honest and vulnerable sharing of and knitting together of lives. When we commit to living life in such a way, laying aside our tendency towards hiding, we free ourselves from the bondage of isolation. (Of course, one must choose wisely when deciding a community worthy of investing in. It's my belief that God has called His Church to be that vessel to His followers.)

I can't express the joy I feel when I can help eliminate the burden of shame and isolation in someones life by vulnerably sharing my own hardships and failings. The relief shown on their face when they're told, 'there's no need for embarrassment or shame'. You're not the first person to lose it. You're not the only person who's marriage is difficult (or barely surviving). You're not the only person who feels hopeless and helpless. You're not alone in your guilt for your anger, hate, lust or pride.

And here's the even more beautiful part. My experience has been one in that, when I've exposed the deepest, ugliest parts of my heart and life, those around me have embraced me with even more love and support than I could have hoped. Fear is defeated. Shame holds no power. I am loved, in spite of the mess I've made of my life. You should try it.

Don't believe the hype that isolation breeds protection or strength. It takes far more strength to lose the safety of your secrets, than it does to keep them. Real strength is gained through the community of support you've invested in. There's so much freedom to be found when you take the initiative to engage in the ugly parts of life, admitting they're real, and uniting to fight them.

There's so much more to say about the role of God, faith and the Church in that....but I'll leave it at that, for now.

Note:

*I consider the spiritual discipline of solitude to be vastly different than isolation. Maybe a topic for another day.   

Am I an adult? (cause I sure don't feel like one)

For some time now, life has been so difficult, I've barely been able to focus on more than emotionally handling my roles as a wife and mother. Lately as I look at other areas of my life, I can't help but feel discouraged. I look at my house. It's perpetually a mess, and not just the “you've got two kids” kind of mess. I look at my kitchen. Dishes aren't washed, fridge is full of gross molding food and dinner is far too often pulled out of a bag or the hand of the delivery boy. I resorted to wearing a bikini bottom a couple weeks ago, because of a laundry shortage. Clothes cover the floor in my room. In fact, there isn't a single room in my house, that looks the way I want it to. I guess I'm just talking “domestic” areas here. I'll take it as a good sign in my relationships, that I have the capacity to look at other parts of life now. Granted, these are largely areas I consider far less important (than my relationship with the Lord and others), but they matter none-the-less.

So. I've been asking myself. Why can't I, a reasonably mature, organized, and responsible human, get a grasp on this area of my life. I think I've found an answer. Here it is:

1. I don't want to do those things.
2. I don't think I should have to.

When did I become an adult? Was it when I got married (age 20)? Was it when I graduated college (age 21)? Was it when we bought a house (age 23)? Was it when I had my first kid (age 25)? How about my second kid (age 27)? All of these milestones have come and gone for me. By all practical, legal and any other purposes, I am an adult. Why don't I feel like one?

Growing up, I was spoiled rotten. I didn't feel an obligation to be a productive part of the household. I felt like a child, who should be served. And I got most things I wanted. I do remember efforts to get me to do chores. I don't remember those efforts being successful. By the time I was in high school, my life revolved around friends and sports, leaving very little time for household responsibilities. My father, a college athlete himself, advocated my irresponsibility for athletic gains.

My mom cooked 4 different meals every night. My sister is a vegetarian, my dad didn't eat wheat, I ate essentially only meat and breads/pastas, and then there was what she wanted. My dad drove me to school, because I didn't want to ride the bus. Or ride with my sister (god forbid). Or ride with my mom, who taught at the school. Three different vehicles going to the same place. And I got McDonald's on my way to school every morning.

I had a credit card in my parents name until the day I got married. I didn't have to pay for any of my college (although I did earn a full-tuition scholarship). You get the idea. I was spoiled.

Here I am, a 28 year old, married, mother of two. I still feel like a 17 year old kid. I'm still waiting for someone to come cook me dinner, buy my groceries, do my laundry and clean my house. I don't blame my parents. They gave me the best environment they knew how. In fact, I'd say they did each of those things out of love. But now I'm on a quest for adulthood. For the first time, I'm trying to embrace it, both as an idea and way of life. I want to feel like I'm in charge of my life, not being dominated by it.

This isn't a commentary on roles within the home. It isn't a quest for cooking and cleaning strategies (although I'm open to, and appreciate those). It's a prayer and a choice to feel and believe that I'm one of two adults in our little family, and that means certain responsibilities fall to me. I'm hoping that inviting these thoughts to my repertoire of reflections, will bring needed change to my heart, mind and household! Ask me how I'm doing with this later.  

Personal Reflections

One of my more recent interactions gave me a chance to reflect on my high school days.  Here are some thoughts, and snipets of that interaction.   

you knew me in high school.  having moved on (and grown up, a little), i really hate the person i was in high school.  and i hate the person I felt like, then.   i accepted the Lord my sophomore year of hs, but really was building from ground zero.  i describe my faith journey in hs, as catch up.  i was learning what the bible says, and most of the things you probably learned in sunday school when you were five.  every single thing i learned about God was a whole new way of thinking.  my family life was so dysfunctional, that i had completely detached myself from my family and relied solely on peer relationships for my value, significance and love.  God was changing that, but my whole world was built around the security i could find in building a social status.  it's not uncommon for hs, i know.  but i've learned that my biggest struggle, to this day, is feeling confident in my worth and value to people (not to God).

with that said, when i look back on hs, even with all of my mistakes, immaturity and obsession with social acceptance, i feel at peace with my friendships and relationships.  i feel proud of the woman i'm becoming, and the sanctifying work Christ continues to do in my life and heart.  i even feel occasionally encouraged about my family relationships, the healing and self-understanding i've experienced, and the way God is using me there.  but for whatever reason, and i really can't tell you why...i feel sad, or hurt, or confused as it relates to you.  i don't understand it, but i'm hoping that humbling myself to share my heart with you, will bring about needed change there.

I feel like a much different person than I was in high school.  I'm sure we all do, or I hope we all do.  In my case, I feel like I totally remade myself in college.  When I left high school, I also left the preconceived notions that others had about me.  People treated me different in college, and I think for the first time, I felt the freedom to be who I really was, with out having to be who everyone thought I was.  


I had always thought of myself as an extroverted socialite.  Ditsy, flirty and honestly, dumb.  Although I got good grades, I felt like people expected me to be stupid.  They expected me to look pretty and sound dumb.  I fit that part well.  


My new friends in college weren't waiting for me to say something stupid.  And surprise, surprise....I stopped saying stupid things.  I started realizing that though I enjoy people, I actually thrive in one-on-one situations, not large groups.  Inside I'm reserved.  I'm sorta boring.  I'm definitely nerdy.  I spend most of my nights doing Sudoku puzzles on my Kindle.  :)   And I'm okay with that.  (I have Josh to keep me interesting)


I do still feel like I'm on a journey to "find out" who I really am.  I've felt largely misunderstood by the people closest to me, most of my life.  But I like who I am now.  I know God loves me and has created me as a reflection of a part of himself.  


It's still a battle for me to not feel undervalued, like people think I'm stupid and I don't have worthwhile things to say.  But I'm also learning how to take that need to the Lord and allow Him to speak into it.


I'm thankful for opportunities to delve into my past.   What changes have you made in yourself since high school?

My Sanity: A Reason to Blog

This is my second attempt at starting a blog (*third if you count Xanga).  Still no guarantees, but this time I have a purpose in blogging.  I'll explain.


My life, as a stay at home mom, is full of monotony.  I do a lot of playing. A lot of singing and dancing.  All good things.  But I also have a brain inside my head that needs exercised and writing has always been a favorite past-time of mine.  


In the last couple weeks, I have had a few difficult situations come my way, which required me to reflect and analyze my thoughts, in order to respond appropriately.  This was seriously good for my life.  In fact, I enjoyed it (although not the situations themselves).  It made me think, "It would be good for me to have to thoroughly reflect more often."   


My purpose for this blog is to put together thoughtful reflections on life.  I'm not really sure if a theme will reveal itself.  I'm hoping this will serve as a healthy outlet to THINK and maybe keep a little bit of my sanity.  You'll be the judge of that! :)  Thanks for reading.