Anxiety

This has been a rough week for me.

In general, life lately has been calm. It's been better than it's been for a long time. My relationships are healthier. My attitude is healthier. I have the capacity to give my time, energy and love to others, where I was once too consumed with surviving my own life to be able to invest in others.

Then this week hit. And something silly happened. It's name is Aslan. Here is a picture of him.

Some of you might be thinking, “Wait, didn't you just get rid of a cat?”. The answer is yes. Yet, we still felt inclined to bring another furry friend into our home. We were all super excited.

Then we brought Aslan home.....and I freaked out! Internally. And somewhat, externally.

I had anxiety equivalent to the feeling of coming home from the hospital with our first child. If you have a kid, you know what I'm talking about. The what-have-we-done-my-life-is-over kind of anxiety.

The anxiety I was feeling was completely disproportionate to the circumstance, and I knew it. Yet I still felt it. After some brief reflection, I determined it wasn't the cat. It was CHANGE. I had finally gotten to a place where life felt manageable and even enjoyable. I was handling marriage and two kids with relative ease. And now something was changing.

Then I realized a lot of other things were changing too. Not necessarily TO me, but around me. Ball State is out of session. All my beautiful student friends are leaving. Joshs' job description and schedule dramatically changes in the summer. Several of my friends are getting married. Even the streets look different around here in the summer. We'll be leaving to live in Virginia for a month soon.

I was not handling the changes well. Maybe I'm still not. But at least I have a little awareness of what's going on with me now.

I'll probably never be a person who loves change. Josh is. But I've come to accept that to live is to change. And whatever is different today, will be normal tomorrow....or maybe next week. I don't have to look for change, but I won't fully live if I fear it. Here's to having the courage and faith to face each day trusting the Lord to sustain me.