This has been a rough week for me.
In general, life lately has been calm.
It's been better than it's been for a long time. My relationships
are healthier. My attitude is healthier. I have the capacity to
give my time, energy and love to others, where I was once too
consumed with surviving my own life to be able to invest in others.
Then this week hit. And something
silly happened. It's name is Aslan. Here is a picture of him.
Some of you might be thinking, “Wait,
didn't you just get rid of a cat?”. The answer is yes. Yet, we
still felt inclined to bring another furry friend into our home. We
were all super excited.
Then we brought Aslan home.....and I
freaked out! Internally. And somewhat, externally.
I had anxiety equivalent to the feeling
of coming home from the hospital with our first child. If you have a
kid, you know what I'm talking about. The
what-have-we-done-my-life-is-over kind of anxiety.
The anxiety I was feeling was
completely disproportionate to the circumstance, and I knew it. Yet
I still felt it. After some brief reflection, I determined it wasn't
the cat. It was CHANGE. I had finally gotten to a place where life
felt manageable and even enjoyable. I was handling marriage and two
kids with relative ease. And now something was changing.
Then I realized a lot of other things
were changing too. Not necessarily TO me, but around me. Ball State
is out of session. All my beautiful student friends are leaving.
Joshs' job description and schedule dramatically changes in the
summer. Several of my friends are getting married. Even the streets
look different around here in the summer. We'll be leaving to live
in Virginia for a month soon.
I was not handling the changes well.
Maybe I'm still not. But at least I have a little awareness of
what's going on with me now.
I'll probably never be a person who
loves change. Josh is. But I've come to accept that to live is to
change. And whatever is different today, will be normal
tomorrow....or maybe next week. I don't have to look for change, but
I won't fully live if I fear it. Here's to having the courage and
faith to face each day trusting the Lord to sustain me.
